I had a revelation the other day. And why is it that so many of the, or at least my, revelations about mental state things and emotional things are accompanied by "... if only you had realized that ages ago. You idiot." Or words to that effect and to greater or lesser degree. But that's another blog post.
This one has to do with Natasha Romanova punching her fears in the face, and something about that that I missed the first several go-rounds with that idea. An intrinsic part, and the part without which the badassing would not be possible. It starts with the very simple fact that she was afraid. Sitting on the ground in the corner in the shadows, huddling and tear-stained and probably wishing someone else would come rescue her for a change. If she hadn't been afraid, we wouldn't have noticed her badassing her way through the rest of the scene. She would have simply been Natasha Romanova, doing what she does, and it wouldn't have been as resonating because superheroes badass their way through life. People like us sit in the corner and cry like babies.
So it starts with that, realizing that maybe it's okay to have bad days. And it's okay to sit in the corner and curl up with your hands over your head and want someone else to rescue you for a change. But then I got to thinking, because we'd been addressing my Superwoman complex the other night. I'm sure a lot of you know that one. It's the one that says if I fuck up in any little way I'm obviously a failure because I'm supposed to be strong and powerful and do things correctly. It's the one that says you're privileged, you're lucky, therefore you can't complain. The one that says other people have it worse, so stop whining. The one that says no one wants to hear about your problems, if you go and bug someone for help you're just imposing, so shut up and keep moving. We have to be Superwoman, Superman, Superperson all the time or we're nothing. We get this for various reasons due to gender roles in society, class roles, occupation, or squirrels. (I may be lying about the squirrels.) It's all bullshit whichever way it comes.
So I was thinking about that, and following the scene along in my head because the Barton-Nat fight scene is among my favorite parts of the movie, which reminded me of something else. In the Avengers, Nat comes into the job at all because Coulson asks her to, and she goes and storms off to beat the Loki out of Barton because her friend needs her help. And of all the times I've thought over this scene, it finally sank in that if it's all right for Coulson to ask Nat for help, or Nick Fury to ask Cap, or Nat to ask Cap, or Barton to need Natasha's help even if he's not at that time capable of asking for it, why is it not okay to ask me for help?
It's one of those revelations that's simple, seems small, and yet triggers an avalanche of comprehension right down into your forebrain.
Let's look at some other folks. Delenn is one of my heroes, we already know I'm a big Babylon 5 geek. And if she needs something from Sheridan or Lennier or even Londo, she asks for it. Audrey Parker isn't shy about calling on Duke or Nathan if she needs backup. If Sherlock Holmes can admit to Molly Bloody Hooper that he needs her help, you'd think I could. And going back even further, the movie that influenced my thinking possibly out of proportion, even Sarah had no qualms about admitting to her friends, "Every now and again in my life, for no reason at all, I need you. All of you." Why is this right for all of them but wrong for me?
Sometimes there is no help available, no backup, no friendly neighborhood assassin, no wee little brave pomeranian-fox knight. And that sucks. It just plain does. But sometimes, if you kick the notion that you shouldn't need help to the curb and look around, there is help there strolling along, waiting for you to ask. Sometimes there's friends there watching you struggle and thinking about dragging you out of the muck whether you ask or not. And you just have to remember, it's okay to need help, and to ask for it. It doesn't make you a bad person, it doesn't make you crap at what you do, it doesn't mean anything except that, for whatever reason, you need some help. If Phil Coulson can ask for help when he needs it, so can you.
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